What I Learned on the Yoga Mat Tonight

I, like many people, have a fear of failure.  The fear can be about something big (I'm afraid to change careers because I might not be good at something else) or small (I'm afraid to try hip hop dancing because I'll look silly), but either way the basic feeling is the same:  I don't think I can do it.  It might hurt.  It might be hard.  I might fail.  I might, I might, I might.  There are so many things in my life that I haven't done because I was afraid of failing.

Tonight I asked Rena to lead me through a new yoga pose, side plank.  I've seen pictures of people doing the pose, and have thought about it a number of times but have always been afraid it would be too hard for me.  And believe it or not, I've never even tried it on my own, in the privacy of my home!  That fear of failure kept me from trying.  I'm not just afraid to fail in public, I'm afraid to fail even when nobody else will know!  In my mind, I had built something as simple as a new yoga pose into something so difficult that I would need to wait until I was much fitter to even attempt it.

But tonight I thought I'd just ask, and maybe I could make a feeble attempt and see how much I could do.  Rena talked me through it slowly -first regular plank...then side plank on one knee...and when the time came to move my bottom leg I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to do it.  I was really tired, my legs were shaking, and I just didn't think I could do it.  It was such a small movement - just slide my bottom leg straight and balance...I hesitated for a long moment and then a voice inside me said STOP WORRYING AND JUST DO IT!  I moved my leg out, and held a perfect side plank pose for several seconds.  And then repeated it on the other side.

This experience may seem trivial to some, but I honestly had an epiphany right there on the mat.  How many times have I hesitated in life because I was afraid to take a small step forward?  Because I thought it would hurt?  Because I thought it would be difficult physically, mentally or emotionally?  Because it was outside my comfort zone?  Because I was afraid to fail?  In that moment I saw everything that has held me back in life...and all the possibilities that lie ahead of me.  I realized that failure doesn't define me, in fact it makes me stronger.  By playing it safe, I'm missing out.  Who cares if I try something new and it doesn't work?  Does it make me less of a person?  Nope.  Just the opposite.  And the rewards of success are so much sweeter when you take a chance.  I felt so great about myself tonight for executing that pose - yes, it made me feel a bit silly for not having tried it before since I was obviously capable of handling it.  But it gave me the confidence to stop worrying about what will happen and take more chances with myself.

The yoga mat is a magical place - you never know what you'll find there.  In Rena's words, the mat is the place where you can lose yourself and find yourself and I'd have to agree!  I know I found something in myself tonight that I'll treasure for a long time - the willingness to fail.