Showing posts with label Goals. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goals. Show all posts
Friday, January 8, 2010
Weight Loss Target
I know I said I wasn't going to do it, but I caved and set a target weight for myself. I would like to weigh 200 pounds before my triathlon in August. So...I set myself up with a Traineo account and put some gadgets on my blog to publicise my progress.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Goals for 2010
At the beginning of a new year, it's hard not to make resolutions - January 1st is a dieter's dream day, when all past transgressions are wiped clean and you have the opportunity to be perfect and live your dream life. It's an all-or-nothing thinker's paradise.
Which is exactly why I am not making any New Year's Resolutions this year. Actually, you could say that my resolution is to stop the all-or-nothing thinking and just accept that my life is full of imperfections and mistakes. That's what makes it so interesting, frustrating, exciting, humorous and just generally a great ride.
But I would be lying if I didn't mention the milestones and accomplishments that I would like to see happen in the next 12 months.
Before I list this year's goals, however, I would like to reflect on some of my accomplishments from 2009 that make me proud - and to thank those of you that supported me in these achievements. It may not be a long list, and some of the entries might seem trivial, but all of them are significant to me in one way or another and have made me a better person for the experience:
In no particular order...
Which is exactly why I am not making any New Year's Resolutions this year. Actually, you could say that my resolution is to stop the all-or-nothing thinking and just accept that my life is full of imperfections and mistakes. That's what makes it so interesting, frustrating, exciting, humorous and just generally a great ride.
But I would be lying if I didn't mention the milestones and accomplishments that I would like to see happen in the next 12 months.
Before I list this year's goals, however, I would like to reflect on some of my accomplishments from 2009 that make me proud - and to thank those of you that supported me in these achievements. It may not be a long list, and some of the entries might seem trivial, but all of them are significant to me in one way or another and have made me a better person for the experience:
- Started blogging - thanks to all my old and new friends - and especially my husband Ken - for your support!
- Trained for the Breast Cancer 3-Day and learned that I can walk for 6 hours - thanks Karen, Abby, Kathy and Rose for being such a great team!
- Raised over $12,000 towards breast cancer research with my walking team, The Blister Pack - thanks to all of you who donated time, money, support and things to sell at the yard sale!
- Reconnected with a long lost & very dear friend - thanks Michele for finding me and reaching out!
- Took a spinning class, liked it, and went back for more
- Danced in public
- Eliminated artificial sweeteners from my life
- Enlisted the aid of a personal trainer and made a commitment to a healthy lifestyle - thanks Rena for your unwavering support and friendship!
- Joined a CSA farm - although we will not be renewing our subscription this year for various reasons, it was an amazing experience that I found very rewarding.
In no particular order...
- Complete a triathlon
- Take a class in HTML or web design
- Develop a reasonable 2 to 4-year plan for transitioning out of my current career and into one that I love
- Bake a loaf of french bread from scratch
- Write a magazine article (does not need to be published, just written)
- Find a way to cook eggs that does not completely gross me out.
- Keep blogging
- Finish off the exercise room so I have a dedicated space for yoga, meditation and working out.
- Plant a small vegetable garden
- Reduce spending and create a budget to allow for significantly more saving - in preparation for a career change
Monday, December 14, 2009
Perspective
This past weekend I continued sorting through boxes of old clothes, trying to find some goal outfits that would fit me 20 pounds from now, 40 pounds from now, and so on. I came across this:
This is a tennis skirt I wore as a senior in high school. It has a 26" waist. Seeing this skirt, tangible evidence that I really was that size once in my life, brought me to tears for that 17-year old girl that thought she was fat. I had no idea how bad things would get.
I first remember becoming aware of my weight in the 5th grade. I wasn't skinny like the other girls but I was probably a normal weight for my age. When I was 12 years old I weighed 128 pounds at 5'2". That's when I went on my first diet - I wanted to lose 10 pounds. Although I knew I wasn't fat, I was becoming chubby and felt inadequate.
I also had my mom's full blessing to do this, believe it or not. For most of her life she was very thin - before she became pregnant with me at 40 years old, she weighed 108 pounds. Weight problems, heart disease and diabetes run on both sides of my family, my mom struggled with her weight after my birth, and she was concerned that I was beginning to develop a weight problem. In retrospect, if she hadn't made such a big deal out of my size I probably would have outgrown it and been fine. Unfortunately she did make a big deal out of it, year after painful year, and although my weight remained pretty stable until I went to college, as soon as I was out from under my mom's control I rebelled and gained weight. A lot. Every year. I used to dread coming home because I knew I'd get a comment, or a look, or even worse - an offer to reward me with money, clothes or something else if I'd just lose 50 pounds. When she was really desperate she'd remind me that I would never find a boyfriend if I didn't lose weight. One time she even took food out of my hands...IN PUBLIC...saying 'you don't need to eat that'. You can imagine the amount of resentment and anger that built up inside me, not to mention the underlying feelings of 'you don't love me because I'm fat'. Tough stuff to cope with, that's for sure. And my coping mechanism was food, so of course I gained more weight.
I don't blame my mom for my weight problem - I take responsibility for every bite that goes into my mouth, and every hour I've spent in front of the TV instead of going for a walk. I understand that all her criticism came from her own low self-esteem, and that she truly thought she was doing the right thing by trying to get me to lose weight. She wanted to me to be healthy, happy and to live a long prosperous life. She just didn't have the tools to effectively deal with my emerging weight issues, because she didn't have the tools to deal with her own issues. She loved me very much and tried her best. I get that.
But it has taken me many, many years to understand my mom's actions. I think part of the reason this particular weight loss effort seems so different than every other time I've tried is that I've finally forgiven myself and my mom for everything that happened in the past, and I'm looking to what lies ahead instead of regretting the past. I can recognize when I'm eating to dull emotional pain or cope with stress - even when the pain and stress might not be obvious. I can also recognize when I'm eating out of rebellion - someone will make an offhand comment that will sound so much like my mom's criticisms that I feel a sudden urge to eat something in response. 40 years of patterns are hard to change, but recognizing that you are human, that you make mistakes and that you can reprogram your destiny is the first step in the journey. I feel like I'm finally at that point.
So I cried for that girl, because she had such low self esteem, because she didn't love herself enough to take care of herself, because she had no idea how hard it would be to take off the weight in 25 years. And I cried for myself, for all the pain I've put myself through, for all the time I've wasted looking for happiness in all the wrong places, for all my regrets. Then I dried my eyes, put the skirt into my 'goals' pile, and forgave myself for all my mistakes.
It's likely that I'll never fit into that skirt again (although I will keep trying). But I'm going to hold onto it as a reminder of the girl I used to be, and the woman I am now, and how much both of us have been through. It's been a long, painful journey but we made it, and now it's our time to shine.
This is a tennis skirt I wore as a senior in high school. It has a 26" waist. Seeing this skirt, tangible evidence that I really was that size once in my life, brought me to tears for that 17-year old girl that thought she was fat. I had no idea how bad things would get.
I first remember becoming aware of my weight in the 5th grade. I wasn't skinny like the other girls but I was probably a normal weight for my age. When I was 12 years old I weighed 128 pounds at 5'2". That's when I went on my first diet - I wanted to lose 10 pounds. Although I knew I wasn't fat, I was becoming chubby and felt inadequate.
I also had my mom's full blessing to do this, believe it or not. For most of her life she was very thin - before she became pregnant with me at 40 years old, she weighed 108 pounds. Weight problems, heart disease and diabetes run on both sides of my family, my mom struggled with her weight after my birth, and she was concerned that I was beginning to develop a weight problem. In retrospect, if she hadn't made such a big deal out of my size I probably would have outgrown it and been fine. Unfortunately she did make a big deal out of it, year after painful year, and although my weight remained pretty stable until I went to college, as soon as I was out from under my mom's control I rebelled and gained weight. A lot. Every year. I used to dread coming home because I knew I'd get a comment, or a look, or even worse - an offer to reward me with money, clothes or something else if I'd just lose 50 pounds. When she was really desperate she'd remind me that I would never find a boyfriend if I didn't lose weight. One time she even took food out of my hands...IN PUBLIC...saying 'you don't need to eat that'. You can imagine the amount of resentment and anger that built up inside me, not to mention the underlying feelings of 'you don't love me because I'm fat'. Tough stuff to cope with, that's for sure. And my coping mechanism was food, so of course I gained more weight.
I don't blame my mom for my weight problem - I take responsibility for every bite that goes into my mouth, and every hour I've spent in front of the TV instead of going for a walk. I understand that all her criticism came from her own low self-esteem, and that she truly thought she was doing the right thing by trying to get me to lose weight. She wanted to me to be healthy, happy and to live a long prosperous life. She just didn't have the tools to effectively deal with my emerging weight issues, because she didn't have the tools to deal with her own issues. She loved me very much and tried her best. I get that.
But it has taken me many, many years to understand my mom's actions. I think part of the reason this particular weight loss effort seems so different than every other time I've tried is that I've finally forgiven myself and my mom for everything that happened in the past, and I'm looking to what lies ahead instead of regretting the past. I can recognize when I'm eating to dull emotional pain or cope with stress - even when the pain and stress might not be obvious. I can also recognize when I'm eating out of rebellion - someone will make an offhand comment that will sound so much like my mom's criticisms that I feel a sudden urge to eat something in response. 40 years of patterns are hard to change, but recognizing that you are human, that you make mistakes and that you can reprogram your destiny is the first step in the journey. I feel like I'm finally at that point.
So I cried for that girl, because she had such low self esteem, because she didn't love herself enough to take care of herself, because she had no idea how hard it would be to take off the weight in 25 years. And I cried for myself, for all the pain I've put myself through, for all the time I've wasted looking for happiness in all the wrong places, for all my regrets. Then I dried my eyes, put the skirt into my 'goals' pile, and forgave myself for all my mistakes.
It's likely that I'll never fit into that skirt again (although I will keep trying). But I'm going to hold onto it as a reminder of the girl I used to be, and the woman I am now, and how much both of us have been through. It's been a long, painful journey but we made it, and now it's our time to shine.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
I Took The Plunge!
Well folks, I took the plunge this morning and officially entered the 2010 Philadelphia Danskin SheRox Triathlon. I'm super excited about it, and have started researching training plans. I've had the book Slow Fat Triathlete by Jayne Williams on my bookshelf for awhile, and now it's time to pull it out and give it a read.
I'm pretty sure I could complete the entire event right now if I had too - I'd need to walk most of the 5K, and I'd be dead last overall, but I could finish. And with a little over 9 months to train, I've got nowhere to go but up!
I'm pretty sure I could complete the entire event right now if I had too - I'd need to walk most of the 5K, and I'd be dead last overall, but I could finish. And with a little over 9 months to train, I've got nowhere to go but up!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Second Triathlon Training Goal!
Today was a frustrating day - for the second time, I attempted (unsuccessfully) to upgrade my laptop to Windows 7. Simultaneously I was trying to learn to edit HTML code on my desktop computer (also unsuccessfully). Perhaps my failures had something to do with dividing my attention between 2 things that really needed my full attention?
Regardless, by about 5pm I was so irritated and annoyed that I decided the only thing I could do was go to the gym and work it out on the treadmill. And so it is with great pride that I announce to you.......drum roll please....I ran a quarter of a mile tonight! Actually, I ran a mile and a quarter if you add up all my intervals, but one of those intervals was 3 minutes long at a 5mph pace, thus...A QUARTER OF A MILE! Yippee!!!
Anyway, this was my second training goal (the first one is here) and I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. I planned to be there by mid-December and I'm right on target. Oh yeah - I also swam 300 yards without stopping after my spectacular showing on the treadmill. Pat, pat, pat...
So I guess it's time to set my next goal...let's see, how about a 10 mile outdoor bike ride? I don't know how realistic this is since I've only been doing spin classes and my actual bicycle is in the basement right now, covered with dust and sporting two flat tires...but there's no time like the present to clean it up and take it for a spin.
Now I'm attempting once again to upgrade my laptop. At least I'm in a better frame of mind to deal with it after getting some success into my day! Let's hope the third time's a charm.
Regardless, by about 5pm I was so irritated and annoyed that I decided the only thing I could do was go to the gym and work it out on the treadmill. And so it is with great pride that I announce to you.......drum roll please....I ran a quarter of a mile tonight! Actually, I ran a mile and a quarter if you add up all my intervals, but one of those intervals was 3 minutes long at a 5mph pace, thus...A QUARTER OF A MILE! Yippee!!!
Anyway, this was my second training goal (the first one is here) and I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. I planned to be there by mid-December and I'm right on target. Oh yeah - I also swam 300 yards without stopping after my spectacular showing on the treadmill. Pat, pat, pat...
So I guess it's time to set my next goal...let's see, how about a 10 mile outdoor bike ride? I don't know how realistic this is since I've only been doing spin classes and my actual bicycle is in the basement right now, covered with dust and sporting two flat tires...but there's no time like the present to clean it up and take it for a spin.
Now I'm attempting once again to upgrade my laptop. At least I'm in a better frame of mind to deal with it after getting some success into my day! Let's hope the third time's a charm.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Milestones!
I hit a couple unexpected mini-milestones today:
Life is good :)
- The scale read 249 this morning, which means I am finally below 250 pounds. Woohoo!
- I am wearing pants and a sweater that definitely DID NOT fit 6 weeks ago. Double-woohoo!
Life is good :)
Sunday, November 22, 2009
First Training Goal Achieved
Last night I achieved my first triathlon training goal: swim 200 yards without a break. A small goal, yes - but more than I could do three weeks ago, so I'm feeling pretty good about that! I've decided my next goal will be to jog 1/4 mile at a 5 mph pace. Right now I can jog about a minute at 5 mph - so I basically need to work up to 3 minutes of jogging to hit that quarter mile target. Hopefully I'll be there by mid-December!
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