Argggghhhh - another 2 days of eating like crap! I wake up with the best of intentions but by 10am I have totally gone off track. I swear, tomorrow I am really going to pull it together. I've already packed my bag for the gym and made a date with Karen to hit the treadmill before work.

Unfortunately, I am traveling again for work tomorrow, and will be away from home for 2 nights. Which means eating out, and probably not making the best choices. Perhaps my goal for the next few days should be to get some fruits and vegetables in, and not overeat until I feel sick. And to exercise each day I'm away.

This weekend I've been thinking a lot about reasons why I want to lose weight. Here are some of them:

Health:

• My knees hurt
  
• My feet hurt
  
  
• I’m tired and out of breath a lot
  
  
• I think I'm prediabetic
  
  
• Heart disease runs in family
  
  

Comfort:

• Being able to tie my shoes without losing my breath
• Being able to do pilates and yoga (right now I can barely touch my toes because my stomach totally gets in the way)
  
• Fit comfortably in airline seat without squishing myself and neighbors
  
  
• Won’t be hot all the time
  
  
• Clothes will be more comfortable
  
  
• I will feel less heavy and bloated
  
  
• Sleep better and less (9 hours a night is too much!)
  
  
• More energy
  
  
• Can wear high heels again!
  
  
• More stamina to do things
  
  

Reach goals:

• General fitness
  
  
• Run a 5K again
  
  
• Run a half marathon
  
  
• Do a triathlon
  
  
• Show people I can do it!
  
  
• Finish something I started
  
  

Other benefits:

• Increased self-confidence
  
  
• Better appearance
  
  
• Respect at work
  
  
• Won’t feel as awkward in public
  
  

Six pounds later

6 pounds in 2 weeks! That's how much I've gained, not lost. For the past 10 days I've been traveling on business and that seems to set off all my triggers for eating. My need to eat until I'm way too full goes into overdrive. It's almost like I start to panic if I feel there won't be enough food to fill me up. The world won't end if I'm a little hungry - but somehow I have to convince myself of that.

This morning's weight was 256.8. Hopefully next week it will be less!

You've Got a Friend

Hmmm. I've thought about starting this blog for quite awhile, and now it seems I have nothing of interest to say! How about...Hello? Welcome to my page? Not a very auspicious start to what I'm hoping will be a place to record my thoughts, opinions, rants, successes and failures, and most importantly a chronicle of my FINAL weight loss journey.

First off, I guess I should thank my inspiration for this endeavor: Jennette Fulda, also known as PastaQueen. I recently read her book Half-Assed, and was so impressed and intrigued that I read her entire blog starting with her first entry 4 years ago. I highly recommend it - she rocks!

Soo....here we go....

I've gained and lost hundreds of pounds over the last 25 years, but after age 30 things seemed to just snowball out of control and now I find myself at the unthinkable weight of 251 pounds at age 40. Sigh.

What happened, I have no idea. Or I thought I had no idea. But after much soul-searching I think I've finally hit on the reason for all my diet failures (sadly, the solution still eludes me).

Food is my rock, my support system and my dearest friend. I know that last one sounds crazy, but hear me out. Food is the friend that always comes over on a Friday night when you don't have plans. The friend who is always there to comfort you when you're sad, celebrate when you're happy or just to hang out on the weekend. The friend who never criticizes you, agrees with your every opinion, doesn't expect anything in return and always leaves you with a warm, comfortable happy feeling.

So now I know why I've failed every time I've tried to lose weight in the past - who would voluntarily cut off all ties with someone that makes you so happy and comfortable! I mean seriously, that's just insane! But what I'm slowly realizing is that the friend who always agrees with you and never challenges you isn't really a friend at all. That friend doesn't encourage you to reach outside your comfort zone and try new things and make new friends.

This is my challenge. I need to redefine my relationship with my oldest, dearest friend. How I'll do that, I have no idea. Stay tuned...