Goals for 2010

At the beginning of a new year, it's hard not to make resolutions - January 1st is a dieter's dream day, when all past transgressions are wiped clean and you have the opportunity to be perfect and live your dream life.  It's an all-or-nothing thinker's paradise.

Which is exactly why I am not making any New Year's Resolutions this year.  Actually, you could say that my resolution is to stop the all-or-nothing thinking and just accept that my life is full of imperfections and mistakes.  That's what makes it so interesting, frustrating, exciting, humorous and just generally a great ride.

But I would be lying if I didn't mention the milestones and accomplishments that I would like to see happen in the next 12 months. 

Before I list this year's goals, however, I would like to reflect on some of my accomplishments from 2009 that make me proud - and to thank those of you that supported me in these achievements.  It may not be a long list, and some of the entries might seem trivial, but all of them are significant to me in one way or another and have made me a better person for the experience:

1. Started blogging - thanks to all my old and new friends - and especially my husband Ken - for your support!
2. Trained for the Breast Cancer 3-Day and learned that I can walk for 6 hours - thanks Karen, Abby, Kathy and Rose for being such a great team!
3. Raised over $12,000 towards breast cancer research with my walking team, The Blister Pack - thanks to all of you who donated time, money, support and things to sell at the yard sale!
   
4. Reconnected with a long lost & very dear friend  - thanks Michele for finding me and reaching out!
5. Took a spinning class, liked it, and went back for more
6. Danced in public
7. Eliminated artificial sweeteners from my life
8. Enlisted the aid of a personal trainer and made a commitment to a healthy lifestyle - thanks Rena for your unwavering support and friendship!
9. Joined a CSA farm - although we will not be renewing our subscription this year for various reasons, it was an amazing experience that I found very rewarding.
   

And now for my list of goals - and please take note, there are no weight loss goals in here.  Losing weight is a side effect of a healthy lifestyle - which is not a specific goal I want to achieve but rather a daily choice I want to make - which I feel is an important distinction.

In no particular order...

1. Complete a triathlon
   
2. Take a class in HTML or web design
   
3. Develop a reasonable 2 to 4-year plan for transitioning out of my current career and into one that I love
   
4. Bake a loaf of french bread from scratch
5. Write a magazine article (does not need to be published, just written)
6. Find a way to cook eggs that does not completely gross me out.
7. Keep blogging
8. Finish off the exercise room so I have a dedicated space for yoga, meditation and working out.
9. Plant a small vegetable garden
10. Reduce spending and create a budget to allow for significantly more saving - in preparation for a career change
    

Now I would love to hear your goals and/or NYR for 2010!

Yummo Granola Bars

I've been looking for a good pre-workout snack recently that would be easy to toss in my purse and eat in the car on the way to the gym.  And of course something that doesn't contain a ton of chemicals with unpronounceable names!  I'm happy to say I found an amazing recipe for homemade granola bars - they are chewy and sweet, are super-easy to make, and have no preservatives, high fructose corn syrup or other chemicals!  I substituted a half-cup of chocolate chips for the raisins (gotta have that chocolate fix), added about 1/4 cup ground flax seed to the mix, and reduced the cooking time to 25 minutes to keep them on the chewy side. 

They came out so well that I'm going to make them again as soon as this batch is gone - which will undoubtedly be very soon.  Next time I'll add some peanut butter or almond butter to give them a bit more protein - I'll report back on the results.

Analogy and confession...

Hello everyone!  Many many apologies for my long absence - I was out of town for a few days, and then we had some computer difficulties here at home which have been stealing away my attention.  I have been trying unsuccessfully to upgrade my laptop from Vista to Windows 7 - after three attempts I am still unable to complete the upgrade, but of course I am going to try over and over again until it works, because the new operating system will be worth the effort.  Actually, I think this upgrade is sort of a metaphor for my weight loss efforts...while Vista is a usable operating system, lots of features don't work properly and it keeps crashing...and while I can function at 248 pounds I'm definitely not operating at top speed (and I keep crashing).  The upgrade process is confusing, complicated and lengthy, and my first few attempts didn't work, but I know the result will be such an improvement that I'm willing to keep trying until I get it figured out.

If I'm completely honest with myself, however, I could have found a way to write amongst the traveling and computer problems.  The truth is, I ate mindlessly through the holiday right up until a couple days ago.  And I wasn't feeling too good one day last week and missed my workout...and then didn't workout for several more days.  The guilt over this lapse has kept me from posting.  Sigh.  When will I learn?  Writing down my thoughts, feelings, struggles, successes - that's what keeps me honest, whether I write it publicly or privately.  As of this morning, my weight is the same as it was a few weeks ago, and I am thankful that although I haven't made any progress on the scale, I haven't gone backwards either.  In the past, I would have gained 5 or more pounds by now, which means that I must be learning to eat less while I'm overeating (does that even make sense?).  So that's something to be proud of.

This holiday season has definitely been a learning opportunity - I didn't plan ahead for anything, let my feelings of discouragement get the best of me, and once I started on the junk food I just kept eating (all or nothing thinking).  It seems like I'm the poster child for everything that you shouldn't do when trying to get to - or maintain - a healthy weight.  The best I can do at this point is pick myself up, dust myself off, learn from my mistakes, and try to install Windows 7 one more time...

Be Your Own Santa

Right this moment my husband and I are the only ones awake and moving around in the house - hopefully the rest of the family will be up soon.  We traveled to Rhode Island this year, and the youngest person in the house is my sister's son - 24 years old - so the traditional Christmas excitement has been replaced by sleeping luxuriously late and relaxing over coffee before diving into the presents.

This year my Christmas list was pretty light - I am trying my absolute best not to acquire new things (except books!) and instead requested spinning classes, spa gift certificates and the like.  But my real Christmas list can't be delivered by Santa, wrapped and put under the tree:  the strength to make permanent healthy changes in my behavior.  Nope, I have to be my own Santa this year to make that happen!

Hope all of you have a great holiday season - and here's to peace, joy and kindness to old friends and new in the coming year!

Crisis of Faith

For the past week or so I've been struggling to keep myself motivated to eat well.  I've been trying to jolly myself along with inspirational quotes but this weekend I really let things go.  Friday was a company Christmas party and the only choices were fried.  Fried cheese, fried potato skins, fried chicken...although I counted everything I ate, I ended up skipping dinner to compensate.  On Saturday night I allowed myself to eat with something resembling reckless abandon...the food was yummy and I was enjoying my visit with an old friend, so I decided to absolve myself of guilt and vowed to eat only healthy foods the next day.  Sunday started well, with fruit and almonds and green tea...but then later in the afternoon I was hit with such a feeling of overwhelming mental fatigue contemplating all the hard work I have ahead of me.  Constantly watching my food, making an effort to exercise 5 days a week, trying to make choices that will help me reach my goals - I became exhausted just thinking about it! Day after day, year after year, I know it will never be easy for me to reach my goal weight or to maintain it.  But you know what would be easy?  Giving up on the exercise and just eating whatever I want.  So very...very.......very...............easy.

So I ate.  Somehow I found myself with a piece of Popeye's chicken in one hand and a biscuit in another...fast forward a couple hours and I finished off an entire Amy's organic pizza.  Although the scale said 248 this morning, I know that the damage I did this weekend will catch up with me eventually.  Today was lunch out with some coworkers, tomorrow will be the same - I feel myself getting pulled back into the old habits and I'm scared.  It feels like the momentum I was gathering has stalled, and it would be so easy to order a pizza and wash it down with a pint of Ben & Jerry's...so very very easy...is this how heroin addicts end up on the streets again?

I'm trying to head this off at the pass before it becomes a full-on binge.  I feel like I'm at a crossroads, and I can take the high road and dive back into my new life, or I can slide back towards my old self and then spend weeks fighting to get back to where I am now...I need an intervention, I need to take a stand!  I can't take the easy path, eating comfort food and lying on the couch, because although right now that is the path of least effort, it WILL NOT be easy to recover from a heart attack or stroke.  It will not be easy to take medication for type II diabetes.  It will not be easy to recover from a knee replacement when I am 60 years old and 300 pounds.

But what I really need to remember, every time I see a cookie or a slice of pizza...IT IS NOT EASY to weigh 248 pounds - nothing fits, I'm out of breath walking up 2 flights of stairs, I can't sit comfortably in an airline seat, I can't cross my legs, my wedding ring doesn't fit...in fact NOTHING about being overweight is easy.  Absolutely nothing.

Every Challenge Could Have Paradise Behind It

I have been struggling with my food intake for the past several days.  I haven't binged, but I haven't been making wise choices and have definitely not been eating mindfully.  Today in the car I was listening to a Blues Traveler song and the lyrics really resonated with me - I think I needed a reminder that changing my habits will not be easy but there's a reward at the end if I persevere:

Stand

The answers are getting harder and harder
And there ain't no way to bargain or to barter
But if you've got the angst or you got the ardor
You might faint from the fight but you're gonna find it
For every challenge could have paradise behind it

Poison

I've been trying to get a few things out of my life this year - things that I consider poisonous to my body in one way or another.  Artificial sweeteners are gone (almost 8 weeks now!).  I'm slowly eliminating processed foods from my diet, and I've been trying to stop drinking bottled water as well.  This last one was a New Year's Resolution which I have been about 70% good at keeping.  But there are those times (and they are becoming more frequent over the past few months) where I have forgotten my Nalgene bottle or I'm not near a source of tap water, and I'm thirsty.  So I give in and buy a bottle of (usually overpriced) water.  And vow to be better next time.

Today I read this post from EatingJourney that has renewed my vow to stop buying individual water bottles.  Not only is bottled water bad for me, but it is sooooo bad for the environment.  Please read it and think twice next time you are tempted to buy a bottle of water, or soda, or Gatorade...just think.

Book Review: MegaYoga by Megan Garcia

Megan Garcia's MegaYoga is quite simply an awesome book!  Although I found her video to be a bit lacking, this book more than makes up for it.

She demonstrates a wide variety of poses, including several more advanced moves, and for each one she suggests props or other modifications.  The photos are great, and the supporting/background information on the benefits of yoga is well written and informative.  Two thumbs up for this book - check out your local library to see if they have a copy, or pick up a copy here!

Perspective

This past weekend I continued sorting through boxes of old clothes, trying to find some goal outfits that would fit me 20 pounds from now, 40 pounds from now, and so on.  I came across this:

This is a tennis skirt I wore as a senior in high school.  It has a 26" waist.  Seeing this skirt, tangible evidence that I really was that size once in my life, brought me to tears for that 17-year old girl that thought she was fat.  I had no idea how bad things would get.

I first remember becoming aware of my weight in the 5th grade.  I wasn't skinny like the other girls but I was probably a normal weight for my age.  When I was 12 years old I weighed 128 pounds at 5'2".  That's when I went on my first diet - I wanted to lose 10 pounds.  Although I knew I wasn't fat, I was becoming chubby and felt inadequate.

I also had my mom's full blessing to do this, believe it or not.  For most of her life she was very thin - before she became pregnant with me at 40 years old, she weighed 108 pounds.  Weight problems, heart disease and diabetes run on both sides of my family, my mom struggled with her weight after my birth, and she was concerned that I was beginning to develop a weight problem.  In retrospect, if she hadn't made such a big deal out of my size I probably would have outgrown it and been fine.  Unfortunately she did make a big deal out of it, year after painful year, and although my weight remained pretty stable until I went to college, as soon as I was out from under my mom's control I rebelled and gained weight.  A lot.  Every year.  I used to dread coming home because I knew I'd get a comment, or a look, or even worse - an offer to reward me with money, clothes or something else if I'd just lose 50 pounds.  When she was really desperate she'd remind me that I would never find a boyfriend if I didn't lose weight. One time she even took food out of my hands...IN PUBLIC...saying 'you don't need to eat that'.  You can imagine the amount of resentment and anger that built up inside me, not to mention the underlying feelings of 'you don't love me because I'm fat'.  Tough stuff to cope with, that's for sure.  And my coping mechanism was food, so of course I gained more weight.

I don't blame my mom for my weight problem - I take responsibility for every bite that goes into my mouth, and every hour I've spent in front of the TV instead of going for a walk.  I understand that all her criticism came from her own low self-esteem, and that she truly thought she was doing the right thing by trying to get me to lose weight.  She wanted to me to be healthy, happy and to live a long prosperous life.  She just didn't have the tools to effectively deal with my emerging weight issues, because she didn't have the tools to deal with her own issues.  She loved me very much and tried her best.  I get that.

But it has taken me many, many years to understand my mom's actions.  I think part of the reason this particular weight loss effort seems so different than every other time I've tried is that I've finally forgiven myself and my mom for everything that happened in the past, and I'm looking to what lies ahead instead of regretting the past.  I can recognize when I'm eating to dull emotional pain or cope with stress - even when the pain and stress might not be obvious.  I can also recognize when I'm eating out of rebellion - someone will make an offhand comment that will sound so much like my mom's criticisms that I feel a sudden urge to eat something in response.  40 years of patterns are hard to change, but recognizing that you are human, that you make mistakes and that you can reprogram your destiny is the first step in the journey.  I feel like I'm finally at that point.

So I cried for that girl, because she had such low self esteem, because she didn't love herself enough to take care of herself, because she had no idea how hard it would be to take off the weight in 25 years.  And I cried for myself, for all the pain I've put myself through, for all the time I've wasted looking for happiness in all the wrong places, for all my regrets.  Then I dried my eyes, put the skirt into my 'goals' pile, and forgave myself for all my mistakes. 

It's likely that I'll never fit into that skirt again (although I will keep trying).  But I'm going to hold onto it as a reminder of the girl I used to be, and the woman I am now, and how much both of us have been through.  It's been a long, painful journey but we made it, and now it's our time to shine.

You Can't Eat Happiness

As I said goodbye to my 30s and turned the corner into my 40s I began to do some self-exploration about what I wanted from the rest of my life.  After years of accumulating 'stuff' and spending money, I've realized the hard truth that stuff won't make me happy.  Just like with food!  Happiness has to come from within - you can't buy happiness and you can't eat it.

I Took The Plunge!

Well folks, I took the plunge this morning and officially entered the 2010 Philadelphia Danskin SheRox Triathlon.  I'm super excited about it, and have started researching training plans.  I've had the book Slow Fat Triathlete by Jayne Williams on my bookshelf for awhile, and now it's time to pull it out and give it a read. 

I'm pretty sure I could complete the entire event right now if I had too - I'd need to walk most of the 5K, and I'd be dead last overall, but I could finish.  And with a little over 9 months to train, I've got nowhere to go but up!

Second Triathlon Training Goal!

Today was a frustrating day - for the second time, I attempted (unsuccessfully) to upgrade my laptop to Windows 7.  Simultaneously I was trying to learn to edit HTML code on my desktop computer (also unsuccessfully).  Perhaps my failures had something to do with dividing my attention between 2 things that really needed my full attention?

Regardless, by about 5pm I was so irritated and annoyed that I decided the only thing I could do was go to the gym and work it out on the treadmill.  And so it is with great pride that I announce to you.......drum roll please....I ran a quarter of a mile tonight!  Actually, I ran a mile and a quarter if you add up all my intervals, but one of those intervals was 3 minutes long at a 5mph pace, thus...A QUARTER OF A MILE!  Yippee!!!

Anyway, this was my second training goal (the first one is here) and I'm feeling pretty good about myself right now.  I planned to be there by mid-December and I'm right on target.  Oh yeah - I also swam 300 yards without stopping after my spectacular showing on the treadmill.  Pat, pat, pat...

So I guess it's time to set my next goal...let's see, how about a 10 mile outdoor bike ride?  I don't know how realistic this is since I've only been doing spin classes and my actual bicycle is in the basement right now, covered with dust and sporting two flat tires...but there's no time like the present to clean it up and take it for a spin. 

Now I'm attempting once again to upgrade my laptop.  At least I'm in a better frame of mind to deal with it after getting some success into my day!  Let's hope the third time's a charm.

Layout Changes Ahead

This weekend I'm experimenting with different layouts and trying to teach myself enough HTML to play with my blog template.  Apologies in advance if you visit and see some strange things!

DVD Review And Some Cool Things I Found On The Internet

Yesterday I tried this DVD on for size (no pun intended): Yoga: Just My Size with Megan Garcia - a yoga workout designed with overweight people in mind.  Here are my thoughts:

This is definitely a good workout for larger people who are new to yoga - the poses were simple, gentle, slowly paced, and well explained.  In between standing and seated poses, instruction was given to help the student rise and descend gracefully and with purpose - not always an easy task when you have a lot of weight to move around.  To assure that the student gets the most out of the workout, alternatives were suggested for moves where body parts (for example tummy or breasts) might get in the way, or for moves where more strength is required to hold the pose (such as warrior).  Megan Garcia, who is also a professional plus size model, was a great subject for the video - her posture was beautiful and she flowed from pose to pose with grace.  The entire workout is about 25 minutes long from initial centering to the end of savasana.

Overall, this was a good beginner workout although there were a few things that irked me.  For example, I think it would have been good to add in some more difficult poses with modifications/levels so the user could improve with time and continue to use the same DVD.  As it is, I think that that most people will outgrow it rather quickly and need to find something more challenging.  The session was also a bit too short for my tastes.

Megan does not actually narrate the entire DVD - she gives a short introduction and then another voice takes over as she demonstrates the moves.  Her style of speaking during the intro is a little 'Stepford Wifey' and really freaked me out - so when the other voice came on at the start of the actual workout I breathed a little sigh of relief.  Interestingly, she gives an interview at the end of the DVD and sounds completely natural then - so I'm not sure why she was so uptight and weird in the beginning. 

At this point in my yoga practice I definitely need more of a challenge than this workout can provide.  However, I was intrigued that a workout targeted towards the overweight community even existed, so I did some research on the internet to see what else was out there.  I came across with a few more DVDs that I want to try:

• ShapelyGirl  - the creator of the Shapely Girl workouts, Debra Mazda, is right here in Philly and even has a fitness studio!  I'll definitely be checking out her classes at some point.
• Look Great, Feel Great: Plus-Size Pilates
• Ya Don't Gotta Be A Size 2 To Do Pilates
• Heavyweight Yoga (unfortunately this title is not available on Netflix or at my local library - but I did find a cheap copy on Ebay)
• Megan Garcia also has a book called MegaYoga, which received good reviews on Amazon.com.

I also ran across this article about a yoga studio in NYC: Buddha Body Yoga.  BBY is a studio where the classes are only for people who are overweight.  What?!?!?!  I am dying to take a class there to see what it's all about but unfortunately it looks like right now they are only held on Thursday nights and you have to buy a series of 4 classes.   Since it takes me a couple hours to get into NYC from Philly I'll have to wait until they offer something on the weekend.  But I'd love to hear from anyone else out there that either has tried this place, or lives close enough to try it!

Just One Day

Check out this challenge from Jenn of Watch My Butt Shrink - to have one day of greatness and stay 100% on plan.  I love this idea - I'm gonna give it a try too - make sure you pass the word.  Thanks Jenn!

More Favorite Fitness Things!

I can't believe I left 2 critical things off my list!  Here they are, making the list an even 10:

9. The mall.  Any mall will do, but of course my favorite is the King of Prussia Mall, which is enormous and contains lots of lovely stores.  The reason the mall is so critical to my fitness program is that it allows me to get activity over and above my normal workouts (or even instead of a workout if I'm taking a rest day).  Although it doesn't burn calories at the rate of a cardio workout (unless you're sprinting to get the last Zhu Zhu at a Black Friday sale), a few hours of walking around the mall will burn a few hundred calories, especially if you make a point of taking the stairs frequently.  And of course I love to window-shop so perusing the mall feels like self-indulgence rather than a chore.  It's not weather dependent, either!  Try it sometime - especially if you feel like eating when you're not really hungry - redirecting your attention to something fun can often head off a binge at the pass.  And the mall will definitely be in my arsenal of tools this holiday season - to counteract extra calories from Christmas lunches, holiday parties and the inevitable office full of baked goods, I'm going to go Christmas shopping for hours on end!

Please note, however, that you need to make sure you don't replace the urge to binge on food with an urge to shop til you drop (even though carrying packages around the mall might burn a few extra calories) - or you'll just be trading one unhealthy habit for another.  I almost fell into that trap on a Very Active Day and had to make a hasty exit! 

10. The Biggest Loser.  When this show first came on the air it was really more like guilty pleasure TV, but over the years this show has turned into so much more.  I'm always amazed each season by just how much the contestants are capable of.  At 400+ pounds, it seems an insurmountable challenge to lose a significant amount of weight, but these folks dig deep within and learn to love themselves and take care of their health.  Seeing someone succeed who started with the cards stacked so steeply against them is just about one of the most motivational things I can imagine.  It reminds me that anything is possible if you're willing to work for it.   And when the show is between seasons I even watch episodes from prior seasons (if you're wondering how I get the old episodes, whenever I see a Biggest Loser Marathon on a cable channel I DVR them to use for emergencies - but I think you can also get them on Netflix).

And speaking of Netflix - I put Yoga: Just My Size with Megan Garcia in my queue and it came in the mail today.  Yippee!  I mentioned this DVD a couple days ago as I heard it was a good choice for overweight people who want to start a yoga practice.  I'm going to try it out and post a review this weekend so make sure you check back here in a couple days to get the scoop!

Yoga - Not Just For Thin People!

Of all the new fitness activities I've tried this year, one of my faves is my weekly yoga class with Rena.  She  taught me that you can do yoga at any size - there are always modifications to help you get the most out of each pose.  I think this is such an important concept to get out there - yoga is for everyone!

One of my favorite poses is Adho Mukha Svanasana, or Downward Dog.  I did this pose often this past summer to help stretch out my tight calves while I was training for the 3-Day.   The pose looks like this (thanks to Yogajournal.com for the photos):

 

Right now, I don't have the flexibility to go as deeply into this pose as the limber woman above.  However, there are modifications I can do to get the full stretch out of the pose without tearing my Achilles tendon.  I use yoga bricks to sort of 'bring the floor closer' so I can still do the pose.  Behold the magic of yoga bricks:

Here is Triangle pose (Utthita Trikonasana) - great for strengthening core and legs.  I don't yet have the flexibility to bring my legs into such a wide stance, but I can still get a lot out of the pose by using a brick for support:

 

So if you are afraid to try yoga because you think you won't be able to do it, don't be!  Find a studio or instructor that can help you modify the poses, or do some research online.  My sources tell me that this DVD from Megan Garcia is an excellent starting point for overweight people that want to benefit from a yoga practice. 


This past week Rena suggested that I choose a 'goal pose' to work towards.  She loves inversions, so we chose Salamba Sirsasana, or Supported Headstand.  Some of the benefits of mastering inverted poses include enhance strength & flexibility, improved circulation, and most importantly the emotional benefit of overcoming fear.  You can read more about the benefits of inversions here.

The pose looks like this: 

My personal goal is to do this pose using a wall to rest my feet against.  To get to that point, I'll practice and master a series of  preparatory poses to get me used to the feeling of being inverted, and also work on building strength in my shoulders and core to be able to support my weight. 






Below is a photo of the first preparatory pose in my series.  My arms are in the same position as the Supported Headstand, but my head is not touching the ground.  My legs are extended to shift some of my weight onto my shoulders.  I'll repeat this pose several times and hold it each time to get used to the feeling of carrying my weight on my shoulders and also to get used to the feeling of being inverted.  Another pose that will help me prepare is Downward Dog.

As I progress with this pose I promise to post photo updates!

It's Not Just My Weight That Needs To Change

For the past  30 years, I have been struggling with my weight - that's no secret.  But for the past few years, there has been another equally difficult struggle going on inside me - I am not happy with the career path I've chosen, and I don't know what to do about it.  I make excellent money, and my employer provides great benefits (although they could definitely improve on our vacation allowance!).  I've had the rare opportunity to travel extensively as part of my job, including spending a significant amount of time in London (which is quite possibly the best city on the planet, IMHO).  Overall, I am very well taken care of.  And to top it all off, the job I do directly benefits cancer patients.  I am so unhappy with my job that all of these wonderful perks are no longer enough to make me look forward to going to work every day.  I have 20+ years ahead of me until retirement - do I really want to spend a third of that time miserable and unfulfilled?  

I won't go into the details of why I'm so unhappy with my job, lets just say I have my reasons and that finding a similar job with another employer isn't the answer.  Been there, done that.  It's over, I'm ready to quit.

But without a backup plan, how will I pay for food, the mortgage, utilities, not to mention a little pampering now and then?  My husband has a great job that he loves (or at least he's happier than I am right now) and could probably support us both, but without any children to take care of, I can't really justify becoming a stay-at-home...wife.  I need to bring home some bucks and contribute to our lifestyle.  I need a decent job, one that doesn't make me want to drive a fork into my eyes as soon as I sit down at my desk (that's an overstatement, of course - maybe a plastic spoon, but never a fork).

I think this internal conflict has been subconsciously contributing to my weight problem for quite some time - I'm unhappy at work but I can't just up and quit my job, so I eat to dull myself to the problem.  Frustrating meeting?  Stop at the vending machine on the way back to my desk.  Hate your new work assignment?  Pick up a pizza and a 6-pack on the way home from work.  Have to spend a week away from home for work?  Eat out every night and order high calorie food - you'll get back on track when you get home.  You get the picture.  Only now that I'm not using food as a coping mechanism, all of the things about my job that I've been ignoring can no longer be swept under the proverbial rug.

The solution?  Ideally, find a new mode of employment...one that I find fulfilling and exciting...one that doesn't make me overeat every day just to keep from losing my mind...and one that will also pay the bills with a little left over for fun.  But just like weight loss, I can't expect it to happen overnight.  I have some ideas, most of which will take awhile to come to fruition.  So in the meantime, I need to learn some new coping mechanisms to keep me sane and stress-free.

Any suggestions?

Milestones!

I hit a couple unexpected mini-milestones today:

1. The scale read 249 this morning, which means I am finally below 250 pounds.  Woohoo!
2. I am wearing pants and a sweater that definitely DID NOT fit 6 weeks ago.  Double-woohoo!

Yesterday I spent a few hours going through my closet as well as several boxes of clothes in smaller sizes.  I found 4 pairs of work pants & 2 pairs of jeans that fit me now, as well as a couple sweaters.  And!!!  And!!!!!!  I now have a small stack of clothes that are TOO FREAKING BIG! 

Life is good :)

These Are A Few Of My Favorite (Fitness) Things

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...bright copper ket....oh wait, that's someone else's list of favorite things!  

The list below contains a few things that I really rely on to keep me eating healthy, working out regularly and just generally motivated to keep making those lifestyle changes.  I thought I'd share them with you, and hopefully you'll have some to share as well - please feel free to post a comment!

In no particular order:

1. The Perfect Recipe for Losing Weight and Eating Great, an awesome cookbook by Pam Anderson.  Check out her recipe for mini-pumpkin muffins - I LOVELOVELOVE these yummy little muffins and frequently have 2 of them for breakfast with my morning latte.  I usually skip the orange glaze and sprinkle a few mini chocolate chips on top of each one a few minutes before I take them out of the oven - the calories are similar and I love the combo of pumpkin and chocolate.
2. My iPOD.  I'm honestly not sure if I could work out on my own without this thing - having all of my favorite workout music at my fingertips means I can make the most of every workout.  
3. Audiobooks!  When I was training for the 3-Day, many of my training walks were several hours long.  Although I did quite a few walks with my teammates, there were some that I did on my own.  These walks were also at a slower pace as I was building muscle endurance rather than cardio endurance, so motivational music wasn't all that necessary.  Listening to an audiobook felt like someone was walking along with me, telling me a story!  Some of my recent favorites include Eat Pray Love, Middlesex, Pretty in Plaid and The Help, all of which were downloaded directly to my iPod for a reasonable fee from Audible.com. 
4. Enell sports bras.  Even when I was at a nice healthy weight in high school, I was blessed with cleavage.  Fast forward 125 pounds and you can imagine just how...ummm...even more blessed(?) I am now.   Now think of how painful those blessings are when you are working out.  Fortunately, I came upon the Enell sports bra, which basically renders your chest motionless even during high impact activities like running or even jumping jacks.  They are pricey, but very well made and definitely worth the investment.
5. The Daily Plate on Livestrong.  This website allows you to track your food, weight and daily activity, and has an unbelievable list of foods from which to choose.  You enter your weight loss goals and the website provides an appropriate calorie target which you can supplement with exercise.  And as your weight decreases, your daily target decreases!  You can also generate reports and graphs of your daily intake and overall progress.  In addition to all that great personal stuff, you can form groups to share your 'plate' with friends to help keep each other motivated!  There are message boards and lots of informative articles about all aspects of fitness.  It's a great way to track your food, keep motivated and also learn a few things.
6. The internet.  Seriously, I search the internet daily for information about fitness, for like-minded people who blog about their experiences, and just for general information.  There are a ton of great podcasts & downloadable workouts out there (YogaJournal.com has some amazing yoga videos that you can stream absolutely free).  All of the major fitness and health magazines have websites with lots of articles as well as info that's not in the printed magazine, and at CookingLight.com you can get virtually all of the magazines recipes for free - with user reviews and a place to add your own personal notes.  And of course blogging has really helped me keep on track!
7. Wigwam Cool-Lite Pro socks.  These socks are blister-resistant (and believe me, when you walk 18 miles in one day without a single blister, you know the socks have something to do with it), cushy and durable!  They stand up to lots of abuse without showing any signs of wear.  I absolutely love them! 
8. My Wii!!!  There are so many great fitness games that you can get to go with the Wii - including the Wii Fit.  But honestly, my favorite is just the plain old tennis game that comes with the game console!  You're not going to get in killer shape using the Wii, but it will get you off the couch, having fun, and burning a few extra calories. 

So there you have it, my list of must-have fitness accessories and tools to keep me motivated and on track.  What's on your list?

Celebrity Chefs & Weight Loss

Apparently celebrity chefs struggle with their weight just like those of us that eat at their fabulous restaurants - check out this Time article.  I'm excited about the mention of Rocco Dispirito's new book, Now Eat This: Fried Chicken, Macaroni and Cheese, Brownies and 147 Other Favorite Dishes You Thought You Could Never Eat--All Under 350 Calories.  This would most definitely make my Christmas list if the release date weren't March 2010!

Jillian Michaels

For those of you that love Jillian Michaels (like me!) I have some good info:

The Jillian Michaels podcasts are still available online here!  These were originally broadcast on KFI in Los Angeles in 2008 and earlier, but for some reason she stopped broadcasting (Jillian if you're reading this please come back!!!)  To find the JM podcasts you need to scroll through the radio shows which are listed in chronological order.  Listen on your computer or download to your iPod.  Enjoy!

In other news, it looks like there's a new weight loss show in the works: Losing It With Jillian Michaels.  Open casting calls start in the next few days.  Can't wait to see this one when it comes out!

Holiday Strategies

I ran across this list on the Weight Watchers website this morning - sixteen great strategies for navigating the holiday season.  My favorites are 3, 14, and 16.  Personal training gift certificates will DEFINITELY be on my Christmas list this year!

Becky Griggs

Check out this story about Becky Griggs, a woman who dropped more than half her body weight and has changed her entire life!  She is inspirational to me in many ways - but especially because she is almost the same age as I am.  There's hope for me yet!

Pro-choice

One of my weight loss heroes is PastaQueen, author of Half-Assed (you can buy a copy on her website and I highly recommend it) - a woman who set her mind to it and lost half her body weight.  That is such a truly amazing accomplishment!

As I find my way on my own weight loss journey, I occasionally turn to her blog archives for inspiration.  Today I stumbled across a great post from January 2006.  Here are her wise words:

"When you have a lot of weight to lose, it can be very overwhelming to know that it will take a year or more to lose it all. The thing is, a year from now you're going to be a year older anyway. You can't stop time, but you can choose what you do in the next year."

So true!  As you all know, the waiting is something I continually struggle with.  Yes, I'm enjoying the journey and I know that every day I make good choices I'm also making new habits, and of course I know that I didn't put the weight on overnight, but still...sometimes I wish I could just wake up thin.  The quote above is a great reminder that every day I and only I  have the choice to make decisions that will either serve my ultimate goal, or take me backwards.  I choose to move ahead.

Calling All Readers!

Today marks exactly four weeks since I began blogging regularly! I’m pleased as punch with this milestone, as past blogging attempts have not lasted beyond a day or so. I expected to have some fun with this blog and maybe learn a thing or two about myself, but I wasn’t prepared for just how helpful it has been to keep me motivated and honest! Having a place to document both successes and struggles has become such a crucial part of this project that I think it would feel like losing a friend if I were to stop now.

So in that spirit, I’d like to use this post to recognize everyone that reads my posts and say thanks for bearing witness to my journey! Up to this point my entries have been completely selfish – I only write about what I’m interested in, or what I’m feeling at the moment.  I still plan to cover those topics, but I’d also love to write some posts in response to reader requests – what would you like to read about? Are there any activities you’d like me to try and report back on?  I’m always willing to be anyone’s guinea pig! Are there any topics you’d like to see on a regular basis, maybe a weekly series?  Is there anyone out there who would like to do a guest post on a topic close to their heart?

Feel free to leave a comment with your requests, or email me directly at shrinkingjill@gmail.com.  Hope to hear from you!!!