Results of the Hunger Experiment

I'm happy to report that last night's hunger experiment went very well - I didn't eat anything for the rest of the night, my hunger died down to a tolerable level and most importantly...the world did not end.  In fact, about an hour after I wrote the post last night I'd completely forgotten about food because I got wrapped up watching the latest episode of Biggest Loser. 

The Beck Diet has quite a few experiments designed to help dieters learn new ways of thinking.  I'm planning to try most of them out - I'll post about the results as I work my way through them.

Experimenting With Hunger

In her book, The Complete Beck Diet For Life, Dr. Beck writes that you shouldn't eat unless you're experiencing true hunger pangs, and she feels that most Americans don't know what true hunger feels like.  I know I don't - I've always had trouble with this skill.  For example, last night I planned out all my food for today and have eaten everything according to plan.  I had a healthy breakfast and lunch, and just finished a very satisfying 650-calorie dinner about 45 minutes ago.  But I still feel kinda hungry, like I need to eat something else.  Sitting here, I'm mentally reviewing what's in the fridge, trying to decide how many calories I can eat to make the hungry feeling go away without doing too much damage to my daily total.  The urge to make the hunger go away is so automatic that my brain keeps returning to the thought "you're hungry, go get something to eat" about every 90 seconds.  I just can't stomach the thought of being hungry - it makes me feel uncomfortable emotionally as well as physically.  And I do NOT like being uncomfortable!

In Dr. Beck's words, "Being hungry is not an emergency."  And my logical thinking brain knows that it's not, that I'm obviously in no danger of starving.  Hell, I have 451,535* calories stored on my body as fat - that's got to be enough to get me through at least one evening without food, right?  So why do I feel a bit panicky at the thought of not eating and feeling hungry all night?  Do I need to run a marathon tonight?  No.  Am I Scarlett O'Hara (as God is my witness...), rebuilding my plantation after it was destroyed by the Yankees?  No.  But deep down inside...and I really think this is the root of the issue...I equate hunger with being unfulfilled.  And rather than take the time to find out what I really need, I take the easy way out and stuff the feelings down with food, rather than experience and deal with them. 

I could always drink a glass of water to make the hungry feeling go away, but I think this evening I'm going to feel the hunger, and prove to myself that the world won't end if I'm not fed.  I've never been one to just sit with a feeling, physical or emotional, and just experience it.  Not try to change it, fix it, make it better or worse - just experience it.  So tonight I'm going to do just that - I have a quiet evening planned at home, by myself.  I'm just going to putter around the house, maybe read, maybe do some housework, and just be hungry.

FYI - Jen at PriorFatGirl.com has a great discussion going today on this very topic - check out the action here.

*The reason I know the exact number?  I had my body fat checked yesterday.  Ouch.  But that's another post entirely.

Resisting The Cupcakes --OR-- Why Starbucks Is Part Of My Workout Routine

Every morning on the way to work I head to Starbucks to get my daily coffee fix.  It's a part of my morning routine that I look forward to every day - it doesn't add too many calories, I enjoy exchanging a few jokes and pleasantries with the baristas, and the coffee gets me ready for a busy day.  All in all, it's a harmless guilty pleasure. 

But....as I stand in line each morning, I inevitably end up gazing in loving admiration at the baked goods, for which Starbucks is legendary.  Some are year round staples, and some come and go with the seasons (alas, the peppermint brownie has gone the way of the Christmas decorations and music) (not that I care, because of course I've never had one) (yeah, right).  This year the peppermint brownie has been replaced with cupcakes.  Red.  Velvet.  Cupcakes.  Yum.

**short break while I wipe the drool off my keyboard**

This morning as I was blatantly ogling looking at them while I waited for my coffee I thought "Why on earth do I do this to myself every morning?  One day I am going to give in and it won't be worth it.  Then I'll feel guilty, probably binge as a result, and have to work extra hard to relose the weight I've gained.  I just could buy a pound of coffee, make my drink at home and not have to worry about this temptation."

Hmmm.  ShrinkingJill, you've got a good point there.  Why not set yourself up for success rather than failure?

Then I considered Judith Beck's thoughts about strengthening mental muscles - the giving-in muscle vs. the resistance muscle.  Every time I eat something that wasn't in my plan, I'm strengthening my giving-in muscle, and every time I'm faced with a choice and stick to my plan I'm strengthening my resistance muscle.  When we don't work our muscles, they atrophy.  You wouldn't do biceps curls every day until you had the biceps of your dreams, and then just stop working them, right?  You'd keep doing those curls to make sure the muscle stays exactly the way you want it to be.  So it goes with the resistance muscle...if I don't challenge myself regularly it will get weaker. 

So, I'm going to think of my morning Starbucks excursion as my daily resistance muscle exercise.  My chance to start the day off right by saying NO rather than YES.  Some people start the day with situps or pushups right after they jump out of bed - I'm going to stare down those cupcakes every morning and show them who's boss.   Me.

Random Attacks of Happiness

Does anyone else get hit occasionally with random attacks of happiness, just out of the blue and for no good reason whatsoever?  I know what you're thinking...ShrinkingJill, you might want to think about cutting back on the wine with breakfast...but I'm serious!  It happens most often when I'm driving by myself or just generally letting my thoughts drift, and sometimes I just feel so incredibly content that I think I'll never be unhappy again - like it doesn't matter that I'm 100 pounds overweight, that I can't stand my job, that I have so many unresolved personal issues - I just sort of bliss out and am happy just existing.  It's not like this happens daily, or even weekly, but when it does I feel like everything is right with the world and I could tackle any problem that comes my way.

It's such a good feeling, and I just wondered if this happens to anyone else - without chemical assistance, obviously...

In other news, a brand new Whole Foods opened up in my neighborhood today - it's only 3 miles from my house, is at least 3x larger than any of the other ones in the area and has a ROOFTOP GARDEN!  Wahooo!   I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that they'll have free Wifi, because I can see myself blogging there all summer with a cup of peppermint tea by my side.

The Beck Diet

For the past several days I've been reading The Complete Beck Diet For Life and really enjoying it - Judith Beck is a cognitive behavioral therapist specializing in weight issues, and in this book she provides excellent techniques for changing thought patterns.  Today I was delighted to see the Beck Diet Newsletter pop up in my email box.  I urge you to give it a read, because it provides some good food for thought as well as a flavor of what's in the book.  Hmmm, does anyone else notice how many food-related descriptors I use...

In the newsletter she writes about the idea of 'strengthening your giving-in muscle' every time you eat something that wasn't in your food plan for the day.  In other words, you are actively reinforcing a bad habit when you give in to the candy dish on your coworker's desk - in the same way you are reinforcing a good habit when you follow your plan to have a piece of fruit for a snack instead of a candy bar.  I love this concept!

I also strongly identified with the story about Laura, because I've been there all too often - my carefully crafted plan is derailed due to circumstances beyond my control and I turn into a deer caught in the headlights, hesitating for the briefest moment...and instead of heading back into the woods I jump right in front of the oncoming car.  I always feel a twinge of panic when my original food plan needs to change - and I often end up using the situation as an excuse to eat something I know I shouldn't.  Why?  If I've chosen to include something in my daily food plan it's because I think it will satisfy me.  Deviating from that plan means that I might not enjoy the alternative...and the thought of not getting emotional or physical satisfaction from my food scares me.  Not sure why that is, but it's the honest truth and it's something I need to work on.  There's always another meal, always another snack but sometimes I find that hard to remember.

I guess what I really took away from Laura's story is that it's important to plan for success - but even more important to be prepared for the unexpected and make sure these events don't derail the overall course of your journey AND your ability to enjoy that journey.

Anyway, the book expands on all the concepts in the newsletter, and provides training on many other skills to help you handle situations where a choice is needed.  So far I've learned a lot and I'm getting ready to move into Stage 1, where you begin to document your practice of the various skills - including things like daily motivation, distractions from craving, and rehearsed answers for sabotaging thoughts such as "It isn't fair, other people eat whatever they want".  There is a lot of writing and daily homework to keep you focused on learning new behaviors, which is critical to success for someone like me - I am a creature of habit and it takes A LOT to make me change my ways.

If you want to join an online discussion group about this book, share your experiences, or just hear what others are saying, check out the first assignment (pages 1-50) here at PriorFatGirl.com.

Happy reading!

Swimming

Sunday is normally my treadmill and swim day, but I've developed tendinitis in my right Achilles tendon and have decided to avoid the treadmill for a couple weeks until it heals up a bit.  So my workout tonight was all swimming!  I wanted to stay in the pool for a half hour so I broke up the laps with some pool running to give my legs a workout.  It is HARD to run in the pool!

Anyway, I swam a total of 650 yards tonight when all was said and done, but I'm a bit concerned about my breathing.  I find that my most efficient stroke is freestyle, breathing after every 4th stroke.  However, after about 100 yards I find that it becomes harder and harder to take a full breath to carry me forward and my throat starts to feel constricted.  Breathing after every other stroke is a bit better but it throws off my rhythm and slows me down.  And in general I find that my breaststroke is extremely slow as well as more tiring.  Is there anyone out there with advice on how to improve my breathing?  I think this will end up being the limiting factor in my ability to complete the triathlon in August, so I'd better find a solution to this problem!

Breakthrough

After lunch today I was hit with a strong craving for chocolate cake.  I thought about the food I had left in my lunch bag (4 clementines and a banana) and then thought about the spare change in my wallet (vending machine run, perhaps?).  What was going to satisfy this craving?  Or what if I just tried to figure out what I was really craving?  Was chocolate cake going to do the job (and just for the record I was envisioning an enormous slice of the cake they serve at Macaroni Grill...moist, warm and drenched in hot fudge, mmmmmmm) or did I need something else?  I decided to eat a couple clementines and wander over to Jenn's cube for a chat.  We talked about chocolate cake, and diets in general, and the conversation meandered around for a bit.  I ate both clementines.  And then the most remarkable thing happened - I really wasn't interested in cake anymore.  Perhaps my craving was for a distraction from my work, rather than food?   I think I may have just successfully done what all the diet books tell you to do...redirect yourself when you are craving something unhealthy.  This may not seem like much, but I am so used to giving in to my cravings that riding one out is truly a foreign concept to me.  Judith Beck describes giving in to a craving as 'strengthening your giving-in muscle' and suggests that each time you are faced with a choice you need to decide which muscle you're going to strengthen - the giving-in one or the willpower one.  I know which one I chose today!

BTW, I started reading the Complete Beck Diet for Life and I'm really impressed.  Jen over at Prior Fat Girl started a book club to discuss it - check out the action here.

Now back to work...